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These here quotes are from Em Emalb, one of the people I know on slashdot. Okay, individual quotes start with a *. Block quotes are not block quoted, but separated by lines. See?
* I used to work for a little company called Lucent, which as you are aware, hemorraged employees like a shaven dog does fleas.
* My cat hates me and wants me to die. ---------------------------------
11 things you shouldn't do.... 1)Don't try to cram every bit of luggage you have into the over head bin. If it don't fit, it don't fit. Any advantage you feel you have time-wise by putting your luggage there is lost when you take 15 f-ing minutes to get it all under control when we land. 2)If you are extremly fat, buy an additional seat, or don't f-ing complain. Yes, lady eating the two big macs in the seat next to me with your ass spilling into my seat, I'm talking to you. Yeah, sure you have a glandular problem. Yes, it sucks you have to squeeze your 400lbs of mountainous glut into the small seat. It sucks for me too, because you smell and sweat a lot, and it gets on me. Don't be offended when I ask to move. 3)When getting your baggage at the baggage claim, there is no need to cram 50 people directly in front of the opening. Your luggage is important to you, yes, we know. But it only takes 15 seconds to get from the opening to the other side. Get it there. 4)Don't let your kid try and pick up your 80lb bag at the baggage claim. It holds up everyone else, really isn't that cute, and could seriously hurt the kid. I saw a kid get dragged for like 15 feet because he was too scared to let go of the monstrous bag. 5)When we are in flight, the people around you don't want to hear your life story. If, for some reason, the person next to you happens to be interested in what you are saying, talk in a voice that doesn't carry 10 rows. Be considerate of others. 6)There is never any excuse to be rude. Yes, I know you need to catch your next flight. However, don't be surprised when I elbow you back three times as hard as you elbowed me trying to get past me. 7)Don't bitch about the security delays. We all have to face them, and damnit, you aren't anymore important than anyone else. You may think so, I do not. Just suck it up and take it like the rest of us. 8)Wash your ass before you fly. You would think this is an easy one, but damn, people for some reason seem to forget this one when they fly. 9)If I am reading a book, don't ask me what it's about, or anything else. I am reading it, not writing a report on it. 10) If you fly with your child, most everyone understands that they get crabby and cranky on a 2+hr flight. They're kids. It happens. However, do not let your child run up and down the aisle. This is a hazard to the child, as I have seen people purposely trip them when they get annoyed with the kid. Bring something along for them to do. 11)Your laptop isn't cool. You aren't cool for having one. If you think you are, you are not. Just use the damned thing if you must, don't act all proud of it. Also, no one wants to hear about your latest exploits. Talking on the cell phone while on board the plane should consist of I'm on the plane, we just landed, let me call you back when we get off. I am sure there are a bunch more I may have missed, feel free to add them in. I write about this because I just came back from New Mexico, and total travel time consisted of 14 hours. Actual in air time: 6. Go figure. ------------------------------- * I tell you, the pick the topic with your eyes closed is like Christmas! Ok, just kidding. * Football is war. Baseball is poetry in motion. Andruw Jones is Shakespeare in the outfield. * Side note: Anyone watching the world series? Is this not a great series? Man, I thought it was over last night when the Giants went up 5-0. Rally Monkey, I need you for the Bears when the baseball season is over. Contact me through your agent or something, we'll have lunch. * Her: Sounds good, let me get the camo-paint. * I eat meat. All sorts of meat. Beef, swine, venison, you name it, I've probably eaten it. * About 2 years ago, I had just moved, and the water bed I had suffered from cat-scratch fever. * Let me reiterate: These companies are sleazy. They (the people authorizing the look-ups) will hopefully rot in hell for all eternity, with the great Lucifer himself shoving pineapples up their rectums....sideways. --------------------- I was once told by a man who owned a lot of stuff and had a ton of money that having a lot of money doesn't mean you won't have problems, they will just be of a different kind. Well, I am about ready for a change of problems, I think. In other news, I need a vacation. A real one. Like they show on tv. Complete with a rock-wall, and a basketball court. Heh. -----------------------
* I like the so-called crappy watered down version of beer. Michelob Ultra is a damned good beer. Apparently, millions and millions of other people feel the same way, even though they all claim to drink Guiness or Harp. I don't like the taste of either. Get over it. * Yes, I know the majority of SUV owners never take their SUVs off-road or tow anything. Well, I do. So, in the future, please suck happily on my fumes as I drive my V-8, all-wheel drive, fully loaded, 10MPG-getting Exploder past you in the slow lane because you refuse to get your piece of crap "environmentally safe" 4-cylinder flintstones car in the slow lane where it belongs. In other words, piss off. * http://slashdot.org/~Em%20Emalb/journal/18479 * Work and play well with others, damnit. And that's an order! ----------------------- So...I'm the bathroom at work, doing a little ab workout. (Ok, ok, I was taking a dump. There's no nice way to say it is there?) Dude (still don't know who it was) walks in, grabs the stall right next to me. This is bad form from the start. Thee, he proceeds to straight crush the place down, with some massively odiferous emanations from his butt. More bad form. Then, and I ain't making this stuff up folks, I hear the unmistakable sound of a fork scraping over a plate. Yeah. Dude was eating while he was in a public (well, it's a work, that's public ain't it?) restroom. I almost wanted to puke right there. Luckily, I was already in the bathroom. So I got that going for me, which is nice. ------------------------- * In Soviet Russia, Em beats you within an inch of your life. * Oh, one funny thing. A customer of ours has a site that is down, due to water in a manhole where the cabling is run. Try not laughing when a very prim and proper lady calls in and says the manhole needs to be pumped. When the call center tech told me that one, I about spit my lunch on him. * For the love of God, man, marinate. ------------- WWEDTS:Yes sir, you sure have. Your parents let the better part of you run onto the sheets when you were created. I'd sue them instead. Good day, and don't forget, you are a fucking drain on society, and if I had my way, you'd be drug out back and shot in the face so your sniveling, whiny little brat-tards and gaped-toothed, butt ugly wife couldn't look at your sorry ass at your funeral and get any ideas about suing someone else. Closed casket is the best for you, Bob. Have a good day, nah, screw that. Get a pineapple shoved up your butt by Satan. *CLICK* -------------------- * *Froo-froo silly toppings no one but you likes don't count. I'm talking normal here folks. * The theme here is hard work folks. Life ain't fair. But if you work your ass off to get somewhere, more often than not you get rewarded. * You're no daisy. You're no daisy at all. * Anyhow, she asked me to marry her. -Through March '02
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